A clearly disturbed fan recently sent me this message

csiA clearly disturbed fan recently sent me this message:

“Joe, I notice on your credentials that you have listed, CSI.  I watch that all the time.  My favorite part is when the redheaded guy takes off his sunglasses.  But I’ve never seen you on the program.” – Disturbed Fan

Excellent question!  Like you, DF, I’m a big fan of the show also.  Surprisingly, my favorite part is when the redheaded guy puts on his sunglasses.

However, I think you were misled (by me).  CSI, in my case, stands for Corporate Speak Interpreter.  I have undergone extensive training (almost an entire morning on Skype) in order to learn how to translate corporate communications into something a human could understand. 

For instance:

Corporate Speak – We’ve designed an exciting team-building experience that will change your life.

Human – We’re going on a field trip where some of you are probably gonna get hurt.


Corporate Speak – My door is always open.

Human – My secretary has a Taser.


Corporate Speak – We are instituting a new wellness program.

Human – We’ve moved your parking spot further from the building.


If you have any messages from your company that could use clarification, send them on.  Until then, this is Joe Malarkey saying, “You’re doing a great job.  Keep up the good work!”*

*Translation – How would you feel about training your replacement?



About Joe Malarkey

Joe Malarkey is a character that exploded onto corporate and association stages. His contrarian philosophy and over-the-top ideas ignite laughter and applause at every event. TV shows as diverse as “60 Minutes” and “To Tell The Truth” featured him as a unique and outrageous voice.