A clearly disturbed fan recently sent me this message

csiA clearly disturbed fan recently sent me this message:

“Joe, I notice on your credentials that you have listed, CSI.  I watch that all the time.  My favorite part is when the redheaded guy takes off his sunglasses.  But I’ve never seen you on the program.” – Disturbed Fan

Excellent question!  Like you, DF, I’m a big fan of the show also.  Surprisingly, my favorite part is when the redheaded guy puts on his sunglasses.

However, I think you were misled (by me).  CSI, in my case, stands for Corporate Speak Interpreter.  I have undergone extensive training (almost an entire morning on Skype) in order to learn how to translate corporate communications into something a human could understand. 

For instance:

Corporate Speak – We’ve designed an exciting team-building experience that will change your life.

Human – We’re going on a field trip where some of you are probably gonna get hurt.

—-

Corporate Speak – My door is always open.

Human – My secretary has a Taser.

— 

Corporate Speak – We are instituting a new wellness program.

Human – We’ve moved your parking spot further from the building.

— 

If you have any messages from your company that could use clarification, send them on.  Until then, this is Joe Malarkey saying, “You’re doing a great job.  Keep up the good work!”*

*Translation – How would you feel about training your replacement?

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About Joe Malarkey

Joe Malarkey is a character that exploded onto corporate and association stages. His contrarian philosophy and over-the-top ideas ignite laughter and applause at every event. TV shows as diverse as “60 Minutes” and “To Tell The Truth” featured him as a unique and outrageous voice.