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Pure Malarkey!

Choose to Lose News
 April 2006, Vol. 3
 
risky business
Dear George,
I've received hundreds of calls, letters and emails.

In spite of that, I'm doing another edition of this ezine.
Read it and weep.
 

(Why suffer alone - forward this to your friends!)

Forward this email
Tax Tips!
 

Grass is turning green and flowers are blooming. That can only mean one thing--Tax time!

I’ve asked a trained tax professional to handle some of the questions that have been streaming in. You can imagine his response. So instead, I’ll tackle these babies myself.


Q: If I file an extension, does it label me an “audit risk”.

A: No, filing an extension labels you an “American”. 2002 was the last time a citizen filed an on-time return, an action so suspicious that he was taken directly to federal prison.

Q: What’s the difference between “Tax Court” and “regular court?”

A: What’s the difference between “Judge Judy” and “Mother Teresa.” Seriously, in Tax Court you are accorded all the rights, respect and consideration of regular court. Also, you're naked.

Q: Should I use some of that new-fangled computer software to figure my taxes?

A: Be careful. I tried to save some money one year and did my taxes on “John Madden, Thunder Tax 2000.” I ended up paying seven grand in taxes, but I did lead the league in yards-after-deductions.

 Click here to see previous newsletters!
In The News
 
Broadcaster

American Idol judge, Paula Abdul was attacked at a private party. While not able to positively ID her assailant, she was able to vote suspect number four off the line-up.

Dan Brown, author of the "Da Vinci Code" was found innocent of plagiarism. A relieved Brown said, “Thank God, now I can get back to my new book, 'Harry Potter and the Pope of Doom.'”

Rep. Cynthia McKinney, who clobbered a Congressional security guard, said on the CBS Morning show that the man should have recognized her without her nametag. To which host Harry Smith replied, “I’m sorry, who are you again?”

Shaw Heights Middle School in Westminster, Colorado has decided that students can bring American flags to school. Shocked Principal Myla Shepherd reversed herself when shown an atlas confirming that Colorado is still in the United States.

“Basic Instinct 2” opened, answering the question left hanging in the original, “Are you kidding me?”

Dan Rather is apparently not happy about being replaced by Katie Couric. In a congratulatory phone call, he wished her good luck and told her that he will be looking into her National Guard service.
Stay tuned for more fun. And don't be afraid to forward this to a friend. That'll teach 'em!

Occasionally,


George Campbell
Joe Malarkey Productions, Inc.
phone: 800-585-1528